We can all feel stuck at times.
Our thoughts lead us to feeling a certain way, which encourages us to behave in a certain way. While feelings lead us to thinking in a particular way which then leads us to behaving in a particular way. Behaving in a certain way leads us to feeling and thinking in particular ways. It’s a complicated relationship – a bit like a tangled ball of different coloured strands of string, which it seems impossible to separate out and unravel.
So how can we create change?
Well what if it could be as easy as A,B,C?
Awareness
In this case, the A stands for ‘Awareness’– in order to make a change we first need to become aware of what’s going on for us. What is it we are thinking, feeling and doing that we would like to change and in what context (at work, home…)? This enables us to establish where we are – our starting point and from here we can identify where we would like to be. It can often help to work with someone else to achieve clarity. It will be helpful to set an intention – the direction in which we want to travel, which could be as practical as “I would like a new fulfilling job in six months” time” or more emotive such as “I would like to feel more positive after this relationship breakup”.
Beliefs
B stands for ‘Beliefs’– the crucial next step is to probe a bit deeper and to identify the underlying limiting beliefs that are driving the current thoughts, feelings and behaviours and getting in the way of change occurring. For example, we would like a new job but find ourselves putting off applying for roles, and feeling despondent, while telling ourselves that it is pointless because we won’t get any of them anyway. Underneath all of that there could well be a limiting belief such as “I am not good enough”. There could also be some beliefs relating to our capacity to experience change that will get in the way of creating it, such as “it’s too hard to change”. Identifying these beliefs enables us to work with them which is the next step.
Choice
C stands for Choice– in order to bring about the change we would like we often need to work with both our conscious and unconscious minds on the thoughts, emotions, behaviours and the underlying beliefs, to create a greater sense of choice for ourselves. In the words of Einstein “problems cannot be solved with the same mindset that created them”. This is where working with a therapeutic coach using different hypnotic, NLP and EFT techniques can really help. Doing so opens us up to a range of new possibilities and resources, enabling us to choose something different. It allows us to move from a state of ‘stuckness’ to a more resourceful and creative one, from which we can make more positive choices for ourselves in the way we think, feel and behave.
Other Ingredients
To aid this change, we will need to bring a sense of curiosity, in order to understand what is going on for us. We also need persistence as change rarely happens overnight (although it can). It will also be essential to cultivate or strengthen our sense of self-compassion – changing the way we relate to ourselves can be a key ingredient to lasting change – so that we can encourage ourselves rather than berate ourselves along the way. With this approach, just as when unravelling the different strands of a tangled ball of string, we are more likely to succeed.
It is a balancing act between acceptance of where we are and the intention to move forward towards what we want in the future, using curiosity, persistence and self-compassion to take us there. Could this be the winning formula for becoming unstuck and moving forward in your life?
If you would like to arrange a therapeutic coaching session with me please get in touch here.
